My Own Personal User Manual

If I’ve learned anything during my 34 years of life, it is that people are difficult to deal with.

Friends, partners, family members, bosses, co-workers, Starbucks baristas. To varying degrees and frequencies, every single person I have ever interacted with has presented his or her own unique set communication nuances and handling challenges.

By this logic, it stands to reason, that I, too, am difficult to deal with.

Just as I began to envision having my own personal user manual to distribute to the people I complex and confound on a regular basis, I ran across a recent blog post by Abby Falik, founder and CEO of Global Citizen Year, championing this very thing.

Whereas Falik’s post, and the ones she references, approach the concept mainly from the angle of leadership and business management, I think it would be equally practical to create a user guide with the intention of handing it out to anyone significant in your life.

For instance, I’ve been married for eight years and I just gave mine to my wife. We’ll see if it helps her finally figure me out.

Just imagine the friction that could be avoided and the regretful situations that could be de-escalated if we all came with some sort of literature that provides insights into our values, approaches, and idiosyncrasies.

A personal user manual doesn’t just benefit the people who keep it tucked away in their kitchen junk drawer, either. Compiling one forces the subject itself to acknowledge and map out its own wiring system, and also fix some of the bugs that users regularly experience.

Indeed, the world would be a better place if we all came with an instruction manual. Mine is below, followed by a list of User Manual Discovery Questions you can use to help create your own.

How I Am

• I’m an introvert by nature and have to force myself to engage new people. Don’t be offended if I don’t introduce myself; I probably just didn’t have the pluckiness in that moment and will be busy kicking myself over and over afterward.
• I’m always running behind and it bothers me.
• I think I can do everything right now; trying to cram in too much at one time is usually why I’m running behind.
• I’m at my best when I force myself to plan and define structure; it’s just really hard to do that.
• I look before I leap, but I’d rather leap than take small steps.
• I’m easily fixated and almost as easily distracted.
• I want to help.

How I Communicate

• I try to be polite and respectful to everyone I come into contact with, but I don’t have a problem letting someone know if they’re not extending that same courtesy.
• I love to hear and tell stories. When I inevitably add in my own story or experience, it’s never to one-up the previous story; it’s always to show I’m engaged and that I can relate.
• I have strong opinions, but they’re (usually) weakly held. So convince me and teach me something new, please.
• I get really impassioned when I support an idea or action.
• I can be really contentious when on the opposite side of a close-minded or unreasonable opinion.
• I’m always open to receiving (and offering) constructive criticism that comes with practical explanations and/or solutions. I have zero patience for baseless, negative criticism.
• I appreciate it when people ask for my input. I appreciate it more when they act on it (or any input received) instead of repeatedly asking for the same input.
• I’d rather converse than lecture.

How I Lead/Collaborate

• I like being in the middle of the action so I can be utilized by the team in whatever capacity necessary.
• I’m always available for input, advice or help, regardless of the triviality.
• If the team has to work early, late, all weekend, or overnight, I’ll be there alongside them.
• I’m open and honest about any decision I make and the reason/s behind it.
• I admit when I am wrong, and I’m wrong a lot.
• I never hold my concepts or strategies over anyone else’s until I’ve heard and considered their rationale or explanation.
• I make it clear to every person on the team that I have absolute confidence in them to be able to do what they were placed there to do.
• Everyone has explicit permission to fail, and fail hard, as long as the following conditions are met:
  • Failure wasn’t the product of inaction or irresponsibility.
  • There was a sound reason, rationale, or intuition behind it.
  • A lesson is learned and the missteps aren’t repeated again and again.
• If the team believes in something and has sound rationale, it has my unwavering support.
• If the team fails, it is my fault.
• Wins are shared by the team.
• People should be encouraged and congratulated openly and publicly (or wherever they’re most comfortable).
• People deserve to know when & how they can do better. This should be done privately and thoughtfully.
• I believe that processes & workflows establish vital frameworks and guide posts that enable accurate and consistent outputs, but what happens within them is totally up to the person or group doing the work.
• I champion disciplined collaboration and open discussion.
• Everyone has a voice when used in the right context and the right setting.
• Bring me your ideas, however infantile or comprehensive.
• People are more important than products.
• There’s always room to have fun.

What I Expect

• I expect everyone to have a desire to do more than what is expected or accepted.
• I insist on taking risks.
• I expect everyone to work hard.
• I expect people to consider others.
• I expect follow-through.
• I expect honesty & transparency.
• I expect open mindedness.
• I expect self-governance.
• I expect complaints and questions to come with suggested solutions.

 

User Manual Discovery Questions

• Are you an introvert or extrovert?
• Do you work better alone or on a team?
• Are you a better leader, better side-kick, or team member?
• Do you listen more or talk more?
• How do you feel about talking in front of an audience?
• How do you feel about talking in front of a small group?
• Are your organized or disorganized?
• Would you rather have a game plan or just wing it?
• Do you procrastinate or begin work promptly?
• What’s more important – facts or feelings?
• Are you punctual or do you tend to run behind?
• Would you rather be early, right on time, or a couple of minutes late?
• Work before play, or play before work? Or both at the same time?
• Are you afraid of failure?
• Are you willing to fail?
• Do you learn best by reading, watching, or doing?
• Would you rather do the work, or delegate to someone else?
• For every problem, is there one optimal solution, or are there multiple viable solutions?
• Would you rather think through a solution on your own or as part of a group?
• Are people competent until they prove otherwise, or vice versa?
• Is structure mandatory, handy, or stifling?
• Would you rather communicate in person, via IM/text, or email?
• Would you rather people be brutally honest with you, or tactfully sincere?